Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
