We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
