If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Damn victory sex feels great
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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