You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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