now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
