do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
