put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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