i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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