Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
