I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
