Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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