I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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