it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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