I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
