he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
