I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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