there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
