sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
