Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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