I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
