Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
