Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
