Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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