She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
