i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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