I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
