i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
