I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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