i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
