We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
me + whiskey = a bad person
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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