butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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