Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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