Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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