By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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