I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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