i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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