He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I cut my penus on the lid.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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