I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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