My liver just broke up with me...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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