its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
