Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
