This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
