we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
