Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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