Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
