so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
