just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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