I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
