Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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