I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
