guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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