my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
