then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
