he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
